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The Lust List: Lustworthy Lacy Lingerie

The Lust List
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My number one life priority is properly, affordably synthesizing form and function in my closet. (Yes, I know what you’re thinking: My priorities are messed up.)

But, sincerely, whether it’s comfortable-yet-sexy shoes, gorgeous handbags that are also functional, or stylish blouses that fit correctly and don’t buckle, marrying fashion and functionality for the proper result is of the utmost concern in my life. It takes up an inordinant amount of time.

Because, even in 2014, it’s still really difficult for women to buy stuff that looks good and works. First world problems, but problems nonetheless.

This issue extends to the realm of lingerie. Traditionally, ladies undergarments fall into two camps: practical or sensual. Practical being nude and black bras that are strapless or go smoothly under t-shirts and sweaters, as well as shapewear, slips, no-show thongs, period panties, and so on. Sensual, being the sexy, lacy, colorful undies with garters and bows and feathers and straps and pulleys.

Screw sensuality. All that fancy, frou frou lingerie sits in my drawers gathering dust. For starters, it doesn’t look good under my clothes. I’ve tried putting on my more ridiculous lingerie under date clothes to go out with my boyfriend. That adorable bow-back lace thong? It looks like I have a tumor on my backside when I have jeans on. That sexy lace rosette balconette bra? It makes my lady lumps actually lumpy under my sweater.

So, then I think, well I’ll sleep in said sexy lingerie when boyfriend is over. Only, all those fasteners, hooks, bows, and lace just dig into my hips and sides and then I can’t sleep comfortably. And, when I don’t sleep, I’m anything but sexy in the morning.

Lastly, I can’t help thinking that I just look absolutely ridiculous in lingerie. I mean, most of that Victoria’s Secret and Frederick’s of Hollywood stuff is so utterly cringe-worthy it’s laughable. Does anyone, aside from the models, actually parade around in a black polka-dotted teddy with marabou fur and garters? Wouldn’t you laugh at yourself? Wouldn’t your man laugh, too? The last thing I want to hear when I take off my clothes is laughter.

As I continue my functional fashion mission, I turn to form-fitting, smooth lace as the solution. I have a few dozen pairs of Hanky Pankys, a brand of one-size-fits-most, lace, no-show thongs that are incredibly comfortable. I swear you don’t even know you’re wearing them. The brand also makes lace bralettes, boy shorts, and other lingerie items.

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 There are a few brands in the lingerie realm creating gorgeous, lace, flattering and practical sets of bras and panties: Hank Panky, Eberjey, Cosabella, and Only Hearts. Through my extensive research, I’ve resulted in turning not to Victoria’s Secret—which in my experience does not hold up to a washing machine—but to Anthropologie, Nordstrom, and Shop Bop to snatch some sexy underpinnings.

So, in honor of St. Valentine and practical, sexy Bitches everywhere, we’ve selected some lovely, lacy lingerie sets that are beautiful, functional, and sexy.

Cheers to you, you sexy Bitches.

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