Happy holidays, Bitches! If you’re looking for a gift for that special guy in your life, you’ve come to the right place. Whether it’s your mansplaining neighbor, your fashion-forward husband, your stargazing cousin, or Jeff from work who always comes with you to get a bag of chips, we’ve got something he’ll love and cherish and brag to his friends about.
Browse through the guide below to find out what we think are 2017’s best gifts for men. Buy our exact picks or use them as inspiration to find something that fits your particular fellow. Start scrolling, Bitches. We’re going shopping.
For the Meticulous Groomer: Does his skincare regimen give Patrick Bateman’s morning routine a run for its money? He’ll love this Dapper Gentleman Grooming Kit ($150) from cult favorite Aesop. Complete with a cleanser, moisturizer, shave cream, hydrating mist, and lip balm, this kit proves complexion perfection is within arm’s reach. Let’s just leave Bateman’s other hobbies out of it.
For the Napper: Look, with almost 14,000 five-star reviews online, Brooklinen’s Luxe Hardcore Sheet Bundle ($239) practically speaks for itself. But in case you need further encouragement, perhaps this review of these 480-thread-count silky-soft sheets will help: “Like butter!”
For the Sneakerhead: It is a truth universally acknowledged that where white sneakers are concerned, the cleaner the better. Ensure your guy’s shoe game stays fresh AF with this Essential Shoe Cleaning Kit ($16) from Jason Markk. According to reviews, it’s a godsend for dirty sneaks, and the formula is good for the environment too. He’ll be feeling brand new in no time.
For the Ranch Lover: Some things are just better with ranch—pizza, nuggets, french fries, certain kinds of tacos—and this guy is smart enough to know it. A Hidden Valley Ranch dad hat ($25) will show the world he’s on the right side of history and shield his face from the haters who don’t want him to have nice condiments.
For the Neil deGrasse Tyson Disciple: Know a guy whose hobbies include contemplating the mysteries of the universe? This super-luxe Celestron brass and mahogany telescope ($1580) will have him observing the cosmos in style. It’s obviously a splurge, but anything that gets us closer to the answer to life, the universe, and everything is priceless, in our book. (Space nerds on a more down-to-earth budget will love this NASA pom beanie, $24.)
For the iPhone Artiste: His Instagram is a museum unto itself full of artfully shot latte art, moody trees, even moodier sunsets… The only thing that will up his iPhone 8 game is more tech—an award-winning wide-lens kit ($130), to be exact. This kit from Moment includes a thin protective phone case with a wide-lens attachment that’s made from aerospace-grade metal (NdGT would approve) and cinema-quality glass. Think edge-to-edge clarity for capturing the important things in life, like family photos or, say, a bunch of Bernese Mountain Dog puppies all lined up in a row.
For the Quiet Type: Sometimes (or maybe always—no judgment) he just needs to shut the world out and nothing but noise-canceling headphones will do. For these quiet moments, the just-released Canfield Over-the-Ear headphones ($650) from Shinola are the epitome of design and function. No oversharing neighbor will be able to kill his vibe if he’s got these on. Leather, lambskin, and memory foam ensure the ultimate in comfort, and each pair is tested to live up to Shinola’s strict sound quality standards. Fully live vibes only.
For Mister Fancy Pants: He owns three tuxedos and actually has occasion to wear them. James Bond is his idol, and Ford—Tom Ford—is his fashion god. Obviously a luxe aroma is necessary to announce his presence and trail behind him as he departs. Tom Ford Oud Wood All Over Body Spray ($68) can take care of that. A sensual mix of are oud, exotic spices, and cardamom, the fragrance can be worn alone to refresh or layered over Oud Wood eau de parfum to captivate. What would James Bond do?
For the Work Husband: He’s always got your back at work when 4 p.m. rolls around and you’re dying for Doritos and a coffee. Induct him into the snack club IRL with this hotel tag–inspired Snack Club Key Tag ($8). With a price like that, get one for yourself too.
For the Type A Planner: To-do lists are his forte and he inputs calendar invites with admirable precision (a year in advance). With the Personal Countdown Clock ($33) from (my favorite) UK-based watchmakers, Mr Jones Watches, he can count down until the next big event—a baby, a wedding, something personal—one day at a time. With 34 different presets—from Halloween to freedom to the big game—he’ll never miss another countdown again. Best gift ever in three, two, one…
For the Don Draper Wannabe: Mad Men may have ended years ago, but its pervasive legacy lives on—particularly that of Don Draper and his whisky. (If nobody’s ordering an old-fashioned at *insert whatever bar here,* it’s closed.) This retro-inspired Sebastian decanter ($35) is the perfect home for some fine rye whisky. No offense to Don, but Canadian Club isn’t going to cut it. Cheers!
For the Mansplainer: Not all men are mansplainers, but way too many are still guilty of thinking they know more than women about every damn thing. And newsflash: We’re over it. Fighting the patriarchy is hard work, so in order to lighten the load one mansplainer at a time, gift him with Feminism Is for Everybody ($26) by bell hooks. It’s a primer on the central tenets of feminism, and it’s short, sweet, and to the point, so there’s a chance he’ll actually retain something.
For the Fashion Follower: Virgil Abloh’s brand Off-White is one of the hottest brands in fashion right now—and it’s definitely the hottest streetwear label. These Arrow-Appliqué Suede Sneakers ($570) are subtle enough not to raise eyebrows (some Off-White items are rather loud) but trendy enough to get in-the-know head nods from fellow fans. And we all know that fashion props are what the holidays are all about.
For the Comfy Guy: But fashion isn’t all about flash. Guys with more casual style will love this Columbia x Opening Ceremony reversible fleece shirt ($200). One side cozy sherpa fleece and the other a water-resistant navy shell? Color us doubly impressed. Plus, it’s the perfect look for brunch in Brooklyn.
For the Minimalist: Fashion not even on his radar? (Sounds like he should touch base with Brenda.) No matter, this Wool-Cashmere Rib Crew Sweater ($98) from Everlane is a sleeper hit. It’s warm, it’s classic, it’s minimal, and he won’t even know he’s wearing one of the hottest online-only brands around. Swap this one out for that one he’s been wearing since college. He’ll thank you later, we promise.
For the Commuter: Why take the subway when you can just bike there? His thoughts exactly. But now that cooler temps are here to stay and winter is most definitely coming (is it ever not?), a good layering piece is of the utmost importance. This Dual Aspect Hooded Jacket from Patagonia ($249) will keep out the wind chill and the frosty stares from drivers and pedestrians alike as he zooms through traffic.
For the Scott’s Cheap Flights Subscriber: Is his weekender packed so that at a moment’s notice he can hop on a flight and go exploring? What’s that? He doesn’t have a weekender? Now he does: Herschel’s Novel Duffel bag ($100) is the perfect size for a quick two-day jaunt to Berlin and back again. And at this budget-friendly price, the bag won’t break the bank, so you might even be able to throw in a plane ticket too.
For the Music Fan: The lists start in early August—the best album of the year lists, of course. Who’s it going to be this year—SZA, Drake, Lorde, Kendrick, The XX, Harry Styles? For this music fan, a prime listening experience is key for his research. The Beoplay M3 ($299), a state-of-the-art portable wireless speaker, will fill his space with rich sound so he can immerse himself in album after album until his research is complete.
For the Foodie: He knew about the chopped cheese before it got name-dropped in The New York Times, and as a matter of fact, he has a lot to say about that, if you’ve got a second. He knows what durian is and has strong opinions about whether or not he’ll eat it (the same goes for balut). A foodie through and through, he’ll love the in-your-face, unabashed food enthusiasm of Action Bronson’s annotated guide to eating well, F*ck That’s Delicious ($14). Keep an eye out for the chicken parm on page 200—it looks crispy AF.
For the Gym Goer: Ask any fitness fanatic about making the most of a gym sesh, and they’ll tell you that what you put in your body after a workout is just as important as what you put your body through during one. Refueling with a protein drink is easy to do on the go, and these BlenderBottles ($9) make it easier to mix, shake, and keep on moving. Until rest day. Then you can sleep.
Shop these great gift ideas and more of our favorites that your guy will love below. Happy holidays!