By: Cori Sue

“Summer lovin, had me a blast. Summer lovin, happened so fast. Met a boy, crazy for me,” I crooned, batting my eyelashes, flipping my hair, and envisioning myself a blonde in leather pants akin to Sandy in Grease.

“Met a girl, cute as can be,” replied my dance partner, in a Spanish accent so thick I’m not sure he even knew what he was singing.

“Summer days driftin’ away, to uh-oh those summer nights. Uh well-a well-a well-a huh,” we continued on emphatically. My hardly-21-year-old Colombian dance partner spun me around, dipping me as my costume crown falls to the ground.

I am sunburnt (from climbing a mountain), wearing a tiara and a sash, along with various other assorted props. I’m drunk off of bad oldies tunes and one far-too-strong-and-larger-than-life mojito. It’s New Year’s Eve. My teeny bopper dance moves are unstoppable.

Where the hell am I?

Andres Carne de Res, a five-floor amusement-style restaurant-turned-night-club that boasts a 15-page menu, overpriced and oversized tropical beverages and more steak and frivolity than even the most American of Americans could fathom. Waitresses wear an assortment of buttons. Other employees assault you with puppets. People put crowns and sashes on you. It’s like TGIFridays, or Fudruckers. But on steroids, and in Colombia.

In Colombia? You say. Like the country?

Yes, Colombia, that drug-invested dangerous country where you’re sure to get carried off by the FARC and held for ransom, according to my overly concerned relatives.

Why, you ask?

In another one of my hair-brained whirlwind plans, I’d dragged my god sister and oldest friend, Anna, off to Bogota for New Year’s holiday (much to my god-parents’ dismay). Because, it would be fun, and well, why not?

Why Colombia? (Everyone asked).

Well, allow me to elaborate … and then get to brunch. Here’s my short list on why—and what you should do—when you visit Colombia.

1.) Have fun. For starters, there are spectacular establishments like Arnes Carne de Res where you can stuff yourself with delicious cuisine, flamboyant cocktails and dance to Euro House music, Spanish salsa tunes and American pop all-at-once.

2.) Experience an amazing country. I’m not here to give you a geography or history lesson. But, Colombia is one of the most beautiful countries out there—there are mountains, jungles, tropical and Caribbean beaches. There are bustling and thriving cities—epicenters of culture for you to enjoy. You can climb a mountain in the jungle one day, relax on a Caribbean beach the next, and visit world-class museums another.

3.) Be cheap—and go shopping. The exchange rate of U.S. dollars to Colombian pesos two-to-one and everything is dirt cheap. Spirit Airlines and Jet Blue fly to three major Colombian cities—Bogota, Cartagena and Medellin—and you can snag a ticket for less money than it takes to get to California. Colombia is the emerald capital of the world. In addition to emeralds, there are all sorts of authentic, hand-made indigenous gold jewels and beaded baubles, Panama hats, tapestries, hammocks. You name it.

4.) Have an adventure. While in Colombia, we climbed a tropical mountain. We also took a bike tour through the very hilly and traffic filled downtown Bogota. Ecotourism, tropical wildlife, scenic hikes, hang gliding, scuba diving and whale watching—you can do all that and more in Colombia.

5.) Eat fresh. Colombia has an abundance of tropical fruit. Every morning, everywhere, you can drink fresh-squeezed mango, orange, lemon, pineapple or coconut juice. There are street stands selling fresh cups of mango, papaya and pineapple for two pesos, or less than a dollar, on every corner. On the weekend, there are markets filled with tropical fruits like you’ve never seen in your life.

6.) Drink beer. Like everything else, Colombian beer is cheap, and light. One of the nation’s signature beverages is a cerveza michelada, basically a beergarita—lime, salt, and beer. It’s delicious, trust me.

7.)  See beauty—even in fat people. Bogota’s Museo de Oro, or museum of gold, has the world’s largest share of gold artifacts and is listed in the Thousand Places to See Before You Die. Additionally, Fernando Botero, the Colombian painter who paints morbidly fat people and somehow makes them cute, has his namesake museum around the corner.

8.) Brunch (or breakfast). One day, we hopped over to La Puerta Falsa, an adorable breakfast café hidden in la Candelaria, the historical part of town, that was founded in 1816. We climbed up the wooden stairs to a loft-style portion of the restaurant and ordered Colombia’s three traditional dishes.

First, huevos pericos, scrambled eggs with tomatos and onions and served in a cast iron skillet. No matter where you go in Colombia, huevos pericos are served the same way.

Then, a tamale, a combination of yellow cumin rice, chicken, onions, and peppers served inside a banana leaf. Warm, delicious and filling.

Saving the best for last, Colombians eat cheese dipped in hot chocolate for breakfast. Sounds bizarre, but it’s not. Rich, dark hot chocolate comes served with huge slices of fluffy buttered bread and a soft, mildly flavored cheese, which you dip into the hot chocolate.

Though at first hesitant, I can honestly say it was delicious. But, feeding me bread, cheese and chocolate in one meal is likely to garner positive reviews

La Puerta Falsa
Calle 11 No 6-50
Bogota, Colombia

Also, in Colombia, they have llamas, which is clear reason to buy your plane ticket.

By: Cori Sue

Buffets—they’re usually busted.

My father has adamantly refused to dine at buffets since I can remember, and his strategy was proven when we realized the buffet brunch at Taberna del Alabardero was awful. Similarly, the other buffet brunches we’ve tried in Washington—Becca’s ruined Mother’s Day brunch at Farmers & Fishers and my post-marathon yuck-fest at Beacon Bar & Grill—have been similarly dreadful. The buffet at the Kennedy Center is decidedly sub-par as well.

That’s because, if you do a buffet brunch, it should be at the Four Seasons. Because, well, it’s the Four Seasons, and they know how to pull out all the stops and really impress. The folks at Seasons, within the hotel, invited us to brunch, which they bill as a “station” brunch, rather than a buffet, as they work to maximize the amount of food that is prepared fresh, in front of you, rather than sitting there in typical buffet fashion.

The dining room at the Seasons is lovely—traditional white table clothes, big fluffy club chairs, and lots and lots of flower arrangements and potted plants. The greenery paired with floor-to-ceiling windows giving off loads of natural light really made you feel like you were dining outside, albeit with air conditioning, rather than in. The room was filled with dozens of families, and I assumed they were celebrating birthdays and other notable accomplishments.

There are a whopping eight stations: carving/meat station, omelet station, seafood station, breakfast station, taco stand, market salads, hot sides, and a cheese station, plus an entire room dedicated to adorable desserts.

We headed first to the carving station, which offers flank steak carne asada, mojo marinated shrimp, miso marinated wahoo, tarragon roasted quail, which Lacy tried, and Maryland Crab Cakes with Cajun Remoulade, which I had, and absolutely loved. The quail, which was a novel item on the menu, and served whole, did not go over well with Lacy. She says, “I wasn’t a fan of the quail despite the hype—and even I, a raging carnivore, wanted to tear up at the presentation.”

Then, to the omelet station, where Lacy had the cook whip up an omelet with Virginia ham, gruyere cheese and scallions that was extremely fluffy and her favorite part of the meal. From the station, I picked up the French toast, which was fluffy, warm, and heavenly. The theme of this station was fluffy and fresh, and we were fans.

I also scooped up some cinnamon-sugar doughnut holes—which remind me of childhood state fairs—that were warm, fluffy and perfection. The pastries at Seasons are amazing: croissants, chocolate croissants, etc.

Then, we headed to the taco stand, a recent addition at Seasons, made to look like it should be sitting on a beach outside Acapulco. The tacos were shrimp, pork shoulder and short rib tacos on corn tortillas with sides of tomato salsa, pico de gallo, tomatillo salsa, and tortilla chips should you have room. I loved my shrimp taco, made with pickled red cabbage and citrus chimichurri—really yummy.

In the center of the room lies a long table filled with fresh market salads and hot sides—a dream-come-true for someone who loves her veggies but gets bored with your run-of-the-mill salad. Hot dishes include mac n’ cheese with broccoli, smoked cremini mushrooms, polenta cakes, summer vegetable gratin and more. The salad table had a really neat cantaloupe, cucumber and radish salad with prosciutto (that I picked around) and balsamic vinaigrette that I really enjoyed. There was also a watermelon, feta and olive salad, which was fresh and yummy. My favorite part of this table was the white gazpacho, which you pour out of a beverage cooler into little shot glasses—a cute touch, and a delicious summer soup.

The seafood station, which encompassed a large portion of the room, was visually charming, filled with little nautical details like boats, anchors and fish, hand-written signs and mason jars—very Southern, cute display.

It had a astonishing amount of options, some better than others, including oysters, shrimp cocktail, crab claws, coconut ceviche, grilled octopus, classic lobster rolls, black cod dip, seared ahi tuna, sardines and tapenade on toasts, bagels and lox, seared scallops. I was not crazy about the ceviche—I couldn’t find the seafood. However, the scallops and lobster rolls were really delicious.

I think a smart diner would have to be discerning in order to choose the best options on the buffet. Lacy, who whipped up a bagel and lox from the seafood stand, says, “The seafood bar was my favorite display, and the house-smoked dill-marinated salmon was the best I’ve ever had.”

On our way back we passed an entire table full of cheese—cheese, glorious cheese! You know how I love it. Sadly, we were so full we might burst.

After taking a breather, we finally headed to the dessert room, a visually stunning display of a few dozen different types of mini-pastries, a candy display, and a frozen lollipop station that would put Willy Wonka to shame.

The frozen lollipop station was the best part of dessert. The frozen pops, made on a tray with dry ice, were creamy and delicious, a combination of ice cream and whipped cream made into a lollipop. The flavors were creamsicle, chocolate crunch, strawberry granola parfait and raspberry cheesecake. Lacy and I both that the pops were to-die-for.

The desserts were made to be visually stunning and impressive, with a zillion flavors, but the flavors were mediocre. Seriously, any flavor combination you can imagine. Chocolate banana peanut butter tiramisu-style. Corny cakes—vanilla cakes topped with caramel corn. Key lime pies. Lemon meringue pies. Deconstructed chocolate tiramisu. Chocolate cheesecake. Chocolate parfaits. Chocolate cupcakes. Red velvet cupcakes. Pink-and-gold mango crème brulees. Creamsicles. Milk chocolate caramel crème brulee domes. Traditional crème brulee. Strawberry shortcake.

All of the desserts were miniature, and meant to blow patrons out of the water with their bright colors, fancy whipped toppings and plethora of options. However, I found that, the less pretty it looked, the better it tasted. The lollipops and the traditional crème brulee were delicious, as was Lacy’s shortcake, meanwhile the caramel-chocolate crème brulee topped with a fancy painted piece of white chocolate had too much going on—all the flavors blended together and my taste buds were just confused.

At the end of the meal, the pastry chef brought out a Twitter-themed cookie display, made just for me, and I nearly fell out of my chair. The sugar cookies were amazing, definitely the best sugar cookie I’ve ever had. This proves my theory that the more simple, less ridiculous the dessert—I’m looking at you, gold-topped mango domes—the better the quality and taste at Seasons.

The pastry chef, who is truly gifted, should focus on quality, not quantity and spectacle. However, if I were a tourist, or a child, or less of a Bitch, I’d probably be thrilled by Willy Wonka land—so I understand why they do it.

Meanwhile, I ran into Aisha and Danielle, who I met when they attended our Summer Brunch Soiree in July. They felt differently about the dessert room. Their synopsis: “The Four Seasons optimizes the our idea of brunch! From free-flowing champagne, to a raw bar as far as the eye could see, to Willy Wonka’s dream dessert room and need we mention the service? Fabulous! The ladies of threeLOL  give the Four Seasons brunch an ‘A’ for Absolutely Decadent!”

The Bitches say: B+. The service, ambiance and options were spectacular. The food, overall, was really great, but I do wish they’d work on the quality of some of the seafood and dessert dishes. That said, when compared to other buffets in town, Seasons makes a well-deserved A+, as it is blows other buffets out of the water—everyone will be able to find something delicious that they’ll enjoy. It is a spectacular venue for special occasions, family functions and out-of-town guests, as the large space and amazing staff will be about to accommodate large parties splendidly, I’m sure.

Seasons at the Four Seasons Georgetown
2800 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W.
Washington, D.C.
(202) 342-0444

By: Cori Sue

With a super busy schedule and lots of meals on-the-go, I love going home to my mother’s cooking, which is delicious but rarely very healthy. Over Thanksgiving, my mom made this scrumptious stuffed French Toast Thursday morning—as if we weren’t going to be stuffed enough that evening. It’s delicious and easy to make, just try not to estimate the calories in the dish—some things are better left a mystery.

Photo credit: Cori Sue Morris

Ingredients (Serves 4):
- 1 8 oz. tub of cream cheese (low fat or regular)
- 3 tbsp. sugar
- 8 slices of bread (Mom used cinnamon-swirl).
- 5 eggs
- 1/2 cup milk
- Fresh berries (Mom used blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries)

Directions:
- Mix cream cheese and sugar until well-blended.
- Spread onto bread thickly, all edges.
- Place 4 bread slices cream side up in a greased 8 inch square baking dish.
- Cover with remaining bread slices, cream cheese side down.
- Whisk eggs and milk until well-blended.
- Pour mixture over bread.
- Lightly sprinkle a mixture of cinnamon and sugar on the top.
- Cover and refrigerate overnight.
- Next Day: Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes until center is set and top is light brown.
- Top with fresh fruit, syrup, whipped cream, powdered sugar, or whatever your fancy.
- Bon Appétit!

By: Cori Sue

On our way down to Kiawah Island, S.C., this weekend, the boyfriend and I stopped for the night in Raleigh, N.C., to visit one of my best college friends.  It felt great to be back in the great state of North Carolina and we were just in time for the opening of the tiki bar at Humble Pie, a charming restaurant in downtown Raleigh.  

Photo credit: Humble Pie

The weather was perfect for dining on the porch (low ’70s and breezy) with lots of summer brews and a varied arrangement of tapas.  Humble Pie‘s ecclectic menu consists of small plates of varrying cuisines– Asian, Italian, seafood, and more.  We shared a goat cheese mushroom Napoleon, coconut shrimp with pineapple chutney, sesame seared ahi tuna, finished with chocolate cake with peanut butter ganache and complemented by lots of Carolina Pale Ales.

Up early in the morning, we stopped by another Raleigh gem, Cafe Helios, for a speedy, healthy breakfast-to-go.  Cafe Helios serves delicious coffee from Counter Culture Coffee based in nearby Durham.  I consider an ordinary, healthy, breakfast– coffee, yogurt and granola, whole-wheat toast and fresh-squeezed OJ– an exceptional treat when found at 7 a.m., in a rush, on a roadtrip.

Photo credit: Cori Sue Morris

Photo credit: Cori Sue Morris

Photo credit: Cori Sue Morris

For the Raleigh crowd, however, Cafe Helios is more than just a breakfast spot.  The cafe serves a great beer and wine selection (they rotate beer selections regularly), and features  artwork by a local artist each month.   And, it appears to be the place for some epic late-night dance parties.

Photo credit: Cori Sue Morris

Next time you find yourself cruising down I-95, you’d be well-served to check out these two spots in downtown Raliegh, and head over to Cameron Village for some great shopping.

By: Josh, Guest Bitch

The five year old inside us all can rejoice. Oddly enough, so can its parents. As I took the metro to Cleveland Park last Friday for the “soft opening” of The Cereal Bowl I made a conscious effort to not get too excited. The prospect of taking all my favorite sugar-bomb cereals and mixing them a la Cold Stone style sounded too good to be true. Happily, I can report that the The Cereal Bowl proves itself just as tasty and possibly more health-conscious than one might think.

Photo Credit: Josh, Guest Bitch

Prices range from $4-5 after tax for their signature mixed bowls in either small or large sizes. Or, you can make create your own bowl with choice of cereal or oatmeal and three toppings for a similar price.  They also offer smoothies, Oaties (smoothies with oats) and a full line of coffee beverages. They score points for offering skim, whole and 2% milk, but then lose them for not offering lactose-free or soy milk. The cereal selection is staggering– they offer everything from sweet fruity to chocolate fun to healthy mini-wheat style options.

My 3 on3 cold bowl featuring Fruit Loops, Apple Jacks and Fruity Pebbles with strawberries, blueberries and bananas was fun and tasty and my latte, while not life-changing was as good as anywhere else. The only downside of the cold bowl was trying to mix the fruit and cereal together. With the fruit piled on top, it was a challenge to keep everything in the bowl while mixing.

Photo Credit: Josh, Guest Bitch

Not so with the Haul N’ Oats (love the title), which featured perfect “baby bear” oatmeal– not too thick or thin and just right on the temp– along with cranberries, raisins, walnuts, coconut, and honey. Everything mixed together perfectly and tasted even better. I paired this with an Oatie, a signature smoothie packed with fresh fruit, milk, and oats. I was worried about the heaviness the oats would import for naught. I will say the hot bowl oatmeal pairing with the Oatie was quite filling, so pairing the two might not be the best idea. I think my Mom would have been happy with the healthy factor with the second pairing.

Photo Credit: Josh, Guest Bitch

I give The Cereal Bowl a solid recommendation, well worth the trip to Cleveland Park. I can imagine that for the next few months their peak hours, especially on the weekends, will be slammed. With the limited seating available, one would be better off visiting in the afternoon, or on a weekday night. Bring your inner child and enjoy!

Photo Credit: Josh, Guest Bitch

Bitches say: B, The Cereal Bowl is perfect for those mornings where the first thing you need is good food, getting dressed can happen later.

The Cereal Bowl

3420 Connecticut Ave. N.W.

Washington, D.C.

Insider’s tip: Go to their Web site and print a $1 off coupon for the signature bowl of your choice.