Getting my Massachusetts-based family out for a proper brunch can be an impossible maneuver. First, a lot of local spots skew towards breakfast instead of brunch. They’re not wild about waiting more than 30 minutes for a table. And they tend to prefer local dives to fancy-pants restaurants.
So, against my better judgment, I dragged my parents, aunt, uncle, and brother out to brunch after church on the busiest weekend of the year on Cape Cod, Fourth of July weekend. I opted for The Mills, a casual, family-friendly spot not too far from our house.
The Mills doesn’t take reservations, so we waited 45 minutes in the hot sun for a table. Strike one.
Strike two, there was no alcohol on the menu. This was clearly not a “brunch place,” for brunching sake.
In accordance with the third rule of brunching with the Bitches, I looked for doughnuts. They promoted their “sinfully delicious” baked doughnuts, but a cute chalkboard of specials informed me that they were unavailable today. Womp. Strike three and now I’m definitely grumpy.
Thank goodness for my family’s ability to kill time with good conversation because the service was slow. Our waitress was very sweet however, so I’m willing to overlook the wait for food due to the holiday weekend craziness.
My brother Drew ordered an Irish Benny. The “Irish” comes from the corned beef hash on the Benedict which unfortunately was dry but the Hollandaise and eggs helped make up for it. We both agreed that the home fries were good but could have used some more spice.
My cardinal rule for visiting home is to consume as much fresh seafood as possible. So it was easy to pick the lobster Benny from the extensive menu. I was happy to find that there was a decent amount of lobster to flavor the dish. The eggs were perfectly cooked and the side of asparagus was a refreshing touch.
My Mom made her own omelette with sausage, mushroom and Vermont cheddar cheese. It was very good, with the right consistency and well-endowed with ingredients. She found her side of hash was “better than expected.”
My aunt Gerry, a Midwesterner gal, loved her lobster roll. Native seafood-lovers (read: seafood snobs), my mother and I disliked how much celery was in it. But, the lobster was succulent and Gerry walked away satisfied. She was disappointed in her pot of tea, however, which was just your basic Lipton. We would have preferred they offer a variety.
And, finally, my Dad had the corned beef hash with over-easy egg on top. It was forgettable, unlike the fresh-squeezed OJ, which was pulpy and sweet.
By the end of the meal, we were full but not quite satisfied. As my brother remarked “if you didn’t have a postal stamp, don’t worry about it cause this place was nothing to write home about.”
See? The bitchiness runs in the family.
The Bitches say: C+. We all agreed it was a run-of-the-mill (ahem) breakfast spot. Good for locals to snag a hearty meal, but certainly not worth going out of your way for.
149 Cotuit Road
Marstons Mills, Ma.
The Mills serves breakfast and lunch everyday of the week.