When I suggest brunch to Jenna Golden, the Twitter sales star and EatMore DrinkMore food writer responds with a massive list of places she wants to try. That’s why, if there is any girl in this city who is more on top of restaurant openings than me, it is Jenna. As she Gchats away, I frantically copy and paste into the Bitches’ “To Brunch” list for future reference.
After mulling over the options, we decide to venture out to Clarendon for brunch at the Green Pig Bistro, even though both of us live within a two-block radius of Logan Circle. Multiple people had recommended the place to me, and I was heading that way to watch a Mizzou game with some Virginia-based friends, so I thought, what the hell, and Jenna and I split a cab and made our way south.
My best friend Brooke, who owns a home in Alexandria, joined us there once we were seated in a sunny booth in the bar area. The restaurant is quite big when you go around the corner from the bar area, and it’s a library of beautiful cook books and spices in glass jars.
The kitchen is open, and there is also a huge communal chef’s table for big groups. The restaurant has a modern kitchen feel: Everything is shiny and new, but with just a touch of the antique South (the food is actually supposed to be French-American). It makes you want to drink bourbon at the bar, and then feel trendy about it.
The thing I remember about the brunch food, however, is the salt. Salt, salt, and more salt—everywhere. We were all a bit hungover that morning, so we skipped the cocktails and stuck with the coffee. The salt that came on everything on the table certainly didn’t help our dehydration.
The duck fries were highly recommended by our very friendly bartender, so we got that to share. They lived up to the hype. The fries were delicious and greasy, with melted cheese and big hunks of duck, and it ended up being best dish we had.
Then we got this doughnut thing, which was supposed to be a sour cream doughnut, but was rather dry and tasteless. Like a boring coffee cake.
Jenna’s shrimp and grits arrived with the shrimp with heads and eyeballs still on, causing me to scrunch my face up immediately. She enjoyed the dish, but the tomato sauce completely overpowered it.
Brooke’s salt cod was the saddest dish I’ve ever seen. Quite simply, it was a thin pancake of eggs and onion that smelled fishy and tasted fishy. You could smell it from a mile away. And, while Brooke never sends anything back to the kitchen, we were all getting a bit nauseous from the smell, so away it went.
As Jenna so aptly reviewed, “Brooke’s was grossss.”
I got the chicken fried waffles, ordered solely for its charming name, the Angry Bird. It was two waffle quarters surrounding a thick fried chicken chunk. It balanced precariously, but was an impressive presentation. Unfortch, nearly impossible to eat. The dish is set in a bed of oily gravy that made the entire thing a mushy mess after forkfull number two.
Thankfully, we were mostly distracted from the food by our nonstop chatter about life, plus the coffee was constantly refilled by our very kind waiter.
The Bitches say: C- At least the poutine was good and the restaurant quite pretty.
Green Pig Bistro
1025 N Fillmore St.
Green Pig Bistro serves brunch Saturday and Sunday.