The best cure for a hangover is greasy food.

The best cure for a hangover is more alcohol.

The best cure for a hangover is wearing expensive sunglasses and not eating or drinking anything.

The best cure for a hangover is nonstop jazz featuring a blaring trumpet, according to this restaurant stereo.

The best cure for a hangover is yelling your story over someone else’s story, while they yell their story over nonstop jazz featuring a blaring trumpet.

Malcolm Gladwell is a real person, not a spokesperson for trash bags or diet cookies, and not in the middle of anything.

If you do fewer repetitions with more weight, you need extra rest. The same is true if you do zero repetitions, but are planning to do a lot of them at some point.

Second-day hair is not hair that was shipped very quickly with extra postage.

There are three acceptable pronunciations of ‘quinoa’, so everyone can just shut the hell up.

Some people still haven’t read Freedom, and they don’t even feel guilty about it.

It’s “Dude looks like a lady,” not “Do it like a lady.”

Now, for a segment I like to call “The News, as I heard it at brunch”:

There was an important election in France last week. Also, in Greece. Also, on American Idol. It was an extremely contentious competition, the voting was incredibly close, and some people think the guy who lost is kind of a jerk. However, I, for one, am looking forward to buying Sarkozy’s cover album, “Nicolas was here”.

There’s also been a ton of weather this week. It was cloudy, but also super sunny and the wind was nuts, yet calm. It was weirdly cold for May, except for that one day, and those other few days that were scorchers, but then again, it was really hot/rainy/global warming-y in April. Most times though, the weather is just unseasonably beautiful and stoic, and we’re totally going to pay for it later—or perhaps we’ve already paid for it last year when it was sweltering/tiny/iceberg.

Sometimes, sports happen. This week? It was basketball and the Knicks are a team. Also, the Celtics are doing great, although there are some other opponents to watch out for and she can’t use hair dye because she’s pregnant. (Okay, perhaps I was sitting a little too close to a conversation border during sports.)

Most importantly there was a Supermoon, which is another word for a horse race celebrating Mexico’s unlikely victory over France in the European Cup. (Things may have blended together once my food arrived and I found it difficult to focus.)

Also, Port Wine is in. See you next week.

Originally appeared in Thought Catalog. Republished with permission.

For Friday brunch, a friend e-mailed, “Society Café, because CSM will love tweeting about this place—one of the best brunch spots on the strip. The floral arrangements are spectacular, too.”

Upon arrival at Society Café, we discover a restaurant laden with fuchsia, tufted couches, black-and-white damask and stripes, and chandeliers—a color scheme very similar, albeit more ostentatious, to my home décor.

“Oh my god, this looks exactly like your apartment,” surmises Linds.

Tweeting and eating and plenty of pink—I am just so predictable.

We sit down in a pink-tufted booth and I squeal with delight. Our waiter, Charlie, is full of smiles and menu tips. I order a Blood Orange mimosa, why not?

The restaurant brings over salted pretzel rolls served with a Dijon mustard dipping sauce. The rolls were both white pretzels and pumpernickel—both delicious—and the differentiation from a typical bread basket was both noted and appreciated.

The brunch-all-day options include pancakes, omelets and the like. However, what struck our fancy was the three-course lunch bento box for $23.

Lindsey’s Bento box included fruit salad, a market chop salad, and a charred tuna slider. She says, “Society Cafe was absolutely perfect for a girl looking for a light-but-delectable brunch pre-Vegas pool bender. The box lunch was simply an improved American twist on the bento box. After biting into the mini Market Chop Salad, I felt like I was detoxing with the array of fresh veggies including avocado, carrots, celery, tomatoes, and hearts of palm. The charred tuna slider was a little smaller than I would have liked, but the delicious steamed bun that substituted for the standard boring roll made up for it. Finishing with a small bowl of berries, I was perfectly satiated and ready to hit the pool!”

Meanwhile, my plate of pizzazz also included a charred tuna slider. I also ordered a caprese salad made with mini heirloom tomatoes, chopped basil and melt-in-your-mouth mozzarella. It was perfect—I only wish there had been more.

Best of all, cinnamon sugar doughnut holes served warm in a paper bag. Adorable, and delicious. (You know how Bitches and brunchers love doughnuts).

The service at Society Café was splendid. The manager charged my iPhone for me—waiting patiently for me to finish snapping pictures before I reluctantly handed over a technological device that is more like an appendage than object nowadays.

The chef came out to say hello and brought out complimentary dessert—just to be nice. He was Italian, handsome, and made miraculous ice cream sandwiches. (I wonder if he’s married?)

The ice cream sandwiches, like the rest of the brunch, were miniature. House-made ice cream between hard-yet-moist wafer cookies in three flavors: Oreo, chocolate peanut butter, and rum raisin. Lindsey loved the rum raisin while I went wild for the chocolate peanut butter.

An adorable Friday brunch in Las Vegas followed by catching up on my Vogue magazines poolside—we were happy girls.

The Bitches say: A. Adorable ambiance, spectacular service, splendid cuisine.

Society Café
The Wynn
3131 Las Vegas Blvd. South.
Las Vegas, NV

While I’m no stranger to fuschia, royal purple is not my thing, though it is a favorite color of my girlfriends Katherine and Becky. But combining our favorite feminine hues is typically a fashion faux paus. However, like most things in fashion, when done well, unexpected combinations (mixing prints, anyone?) can stylishly surprise you.

So, after some quality time on Pinterest and the shopping interwebs, I found myself lusting after Trina Turk’s summer collection and singing a different tune. Pink and purple pair perfectly! (Plus, we Bitches love alliteration).

Trina Turk’s tropical combo of pink and purple is stunning and lovely and reminiscent of poolside days and beachside nights in Palm Beach, Naples or the Turks and Caicos. If you can’t make it there, these pieces are perfect for summer beachside weekends, summer weddings or for brightening up your office attire.

These looks from Trina’s spring and summer collection will be available at Urban Chic Saturday at our Bitches Who Brunch trunk show and brunch. We’ll be there 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. for mimosas, brunch treats from Patisserie Poupon, and daytime funtivities. We’ll see you there, shop-a-holics.

Asha Dress in fuchsia and ultra violet by Trina Turk, $398.

Photo credit: Trina Turk

Maxi Devotion Dress in Aster by Trina Turk, $188.

Photo credit: Trina Turk

Jalini Halter Top in Aster by Trina Turk, $176.

Photo credit: Trina Turk

Amrita Long Dress in fuchsia by Trina Turk, $348.

Photo credit: Trina Turk

Reina dress in violeta by Trina Turk, $248.

Photo credit: Trina Turk

Shobha Dress in aster or sari pink by Trina Turk, $378.

Photo credit: Trina Turk

Therese skirt in violeta by Trina Turk, $158.

Photo credit: Trina Turk

So, Saturday, head to Georgetown to enjoy mimosas, brunch treats from Patisserie Poupon, spa favors, 15 percent off Trina Turk’s spring and summer collections and a gift with purchase if you mention you came with the Bitches.

We are very much looking forward to brunching and shopping with our lovely readers. 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., Urban Chic, 1626 Wisconsin Ave. N.W. Please RSVP here and find the event on Facebook, too!

Now, back to your regular weekly itinerary.

All Week Long

Get your ‘om’ on. It’s the 17thannual DC Yoga Week—with studios across the District, Maryland and Virginia offering classes for free or a mere five buckaroos! Look up participating member studios online to see their class listings and other DC Yoga Week special sales and events.

Monday

Do some good. Sign up to volunteer for our fave charity, the D.C. Farm to School Network. On Wednesday, May 23, the organization hosts its annual Strawberries & Salad Greens, helping 50 schools set up hands-on educational tables in their cafeterias to remind students where food comes from and to get students excited about eating healthy, local food. Learn more about the event online. They’re looking for enthusiastic volunteers to help out at “Where Food Comes From” tables during lunchtime in school cafeterias around the District on May 23rd!  Find all the details about volunteering here, and email Erin (erin@dcfarmtoschool.org) to sign up by COB today. We promise it’ll be the most fun, meaningful extended lunch break you’ll ever take.

Tuesday

Stop by Colombia Heights’ newest restaurant, The Pinch, for some low country BBQ. The new joint serves up 35 beers, bowls of rum punch, mac-n-cheese and pancakes (four of my favorite things). They also serve up pretzel-covered fried pickles, ‘nuff said. It has an unpretentious pub feel where you can enjoy good food and beverages. Sounds perfect to us! 3548 14th Street N.W., Washington, D.C.

Wednesday

Speaking of Colombia Heights, last month I went to trivia at Meridian Pint, held weekly on Wednesdays and had an absolute ball. Gotta’ love exercising your mind muscles over a cold draft beer and some good grease. It starts at 8 p.m. Meridian Pint, 3400 11th Street N.W., Washington, D.C. (If you prefer Glover Park, Mason Inn hosts trivia at 8 p.m. on Tuesdays).

Thursday

The Alliance Française de Washington presents the Urban Corps Inaugural Gala, a chic fundraising event in celebration of hip-hop culture and dance to support the Alliance Française. Tickets include French-style tapas, desserts, open bar of beer and wine, hip-hop festival performances, live jazz from Hot Club of DC followed by DJ Jon Cue for late night dancing, and valet parking. Dress is colorful cocktail attire. Tickets, online or by calling 202-234-7911 x833. Alliance Française Young Professional members: $100, Alliance Française Members: $125, non-members: $150. 7:30-11 p.m., The Mexican Cultural Institute, 2829 16th St. N.W., Washington, D.C.

Photo credit: Neshan Naltchayan

Friday

It’s time for the Bethesda Front Row—with this year’s special guest Andy Cohen! Friday is the annual book signing and runway event. The evening begins at 5 p.m., with Andy Cohen, host of Watch What Happens Live on Bravo, signing his new book, Most Talkative, in front of Redwood on Bethesda Lane. While you wait, enjoy mini massages from The Spa at Equinox. You can also get primped for the paparazzi from 5 p.m. – 7 p.m. at Aveda’s beauty bar on Bethesda Lane. The runway show begins at 7:30 p.m. with looks from all Bethesda Row’s boutiques.

We went last year and had an absolute blast. You can even stick around after the show and shop runway looks during special extended hours on the Lane until 9 p.m., while enjoying bites from Luke’s Lobster and cocktail specials at Redwood. 5-9 p.m., Bethesda Row.

Photo credit: New York Daily News

Saturday

Weren’t you listening? Join the Bitches at Urban Chic for a trunk show and brunch!

Sunday

Brunch, but of course! Lately, we’ve been on vacay a lot and had a couple bad brunches. But, here in the District, we’ve enjoyed Teaism and Boqueria.

The pair are very particular about their Cajun cuisine, and I value their opinion a great deal. At the Cajun Experience, they were initially impressed at the authenticity of the food, but after returning for many crawfish boils and brunches, the place has since (they tell me) gone down hill. They even took Purple Haze off the taps—the horror!

So Liz suggested we trek out to discover other D.C.-based New Orleans brunch spots. First up, TruOrleans, which is right on H Street in that newly restaurant-heavy block of the Atlas District. I arrived early with my beau, and it was a beautiful day, so we sat at a patio table on the street level.

We sat there because there was, to my disappointment, a private party on the open-air upper level. I had wanted to sit upstairs. But the downstairs patio was cutesy, with strategically placed beads hanging from the lamp posts as if it were the morning after a ridiculous Mardi Gras down H Street.

We ordered bottomless mimosas. The mimosas were extremely orange juice heavy, and got more so as the brunch continued. We tried to ignore this by lapping up the sun. Liz, Fontaine and Brooke arrived shortly thereafter and were pleasantly surprised that the place had their beloved Purple Haze on draft.

But, after that, it all started going down hill quite quickly.

I think it all began when we were ordering our food, and the waiter told us, simply, “We don’t scramble eggs.” Excuse me? You don’t scramble eggs?

“A little bit of me just died inside,” my boyfriend mumbled to me. “Can you just serve me an omelet with nothing in it, then?” he cheekily asked the waiter.

We shared the Cajun wings to start, which were fine, but unfortunately ended up being the best dish that we would eat at brunch.

The French toast tasted simply like bread with egg seasoning. There was little to no batter on the dish. It was accompanied by two little plastic containers of syrup.

So the egg issues went beyond their unwillingness to scramble them. The French toast tasted like expensive toast.

My boyfriend said he could have forgiven this if he was served some booze, and not simply orange juice in a champagne flute.

The grits were uninspiring and crusted nicely in the sun. The potatoes—which were touted as hashbrowns on the menu, but what we actually got were breakfast potatoes—arrived cold.

Brooke had the veggie omelet, which was fine. Just fine. She wanted to customize it, but apparently that wasn’t allowed. And what sort of omelet doesn’t come with cheese?  And why can’t you prepare scrambled eggs, again?  If you make both omelets and poached eggs, I know you aren’t using egg beaters. Seriously, get a line cook and figure it out.

As for me, I ordered the eggs Benedict, which was actually the most disgusting Benny I’ve ever had. The eggs were not only undercooked, the whites were completely runny. They might as well have cracked an egg open on a stale muffin.

A couple of quick notes on the service:  I know we are sitting outside, but bring things when asked. It’s not like we were making ridiculous requests or asking for things that are not standard. Coffee should come with sugar. Waffles should come with syrup. Patrons should have silverware. Those are just a few examples of the many things that went missing.

It’s not a big deal if things are forgotten and you have to ask once. But when you have to ask two or three times, it’s no longer OK.

As for Fontaine and Liz, I can do nothing except let Liz tell the story in her own words …

“The waiter brought everyone’s food except mine and didn’t say a word to me about it. Typically an ‘I’ll be right back with yours’ or ‘Sorry, your order is taking a bit longer’ is fine, but we got nothing. I did hear him mumble about a missing fruit bowl as he walked away, but no one ordered a fruit bowl.

“Then, five minutes later, he came to fill water and asked if we needed anything. I said, ‘My lunch!’ I think he was a bit surprised. I assumed he forgot to put it in, but 10 minutes later when everyone was done eating I decided I was over the wait and went to cancel the order.

“I even asked if he forgot to put in my order because at least that would make sense, but he said no, that crawfish just take a while to cook. (A) This is not true. My in-laws are from Louisiana; we know exactly how long crawfish take to cook and it’s not 20 minutes. (B) If that’s truly your stance, why didn’t you tell me that when everyone was served lunch except me?

“Of course, two minutes later my food was magically ready and he asked to box it up for me. Nope! Who wants soggy bread for $15?

“Then the bill. We were charged a 15% ‘service charge.’ It did not say tip or gratuity. Since I didn’t get to eat at this eating establishment, I did not feel a mandatory fee was acceptable. I spoke with the manager who was very taken aback. He pointed to the menu that had in small print that every patron (regardless of group size) is charged a 15% service charge. I asked what for and he could not answer.

“I offered my own answer: crappy service and not getting to eat brunch. He wasn’t amused. He said there was nothing he could do; the fee was mandatory. I said, we aren’t paying it. He said he’d give us a credit for the same amount, but not reverse the charge.”

“Low and behold, the new bill came and the charge was indeed reversed. Thankfully, we didn’t get locked in the restaurant like these people.

The Bitches say: D-. Barely edible, horrible service, and other ridiculous things such as required gratuity and the inability to scramble eggs. The only saving grace is it has a decent patio.

TruOrleans
400 H ST NE
Washington, D.C. 20002
(202) 290-1244

The cookoff was held at the Birchmere, an old but charming music venue hidden off Mount Vernon Avenue. As soon as I arrived I was checked in by friendly volunteers in aprons. I grabbed a mimosa at the bar, perused the silent auction lots, and settled into a chair to watch the live recording of Foodie & the Beast.

Three girlfriends joined me there, each arriving one by one, and once Nycci and David Nellis were done interviewing the participating chefs for the radio show, the Alpha Dog Blues Band took the stage with their guitars and harmonicas. It was the perfect soundtrack to all the food we were about to eat.

And eat we did. The place had tables and tables of food on display from restaurants across the D.C. area. Brabo, Jackson 20, Rustico, Southside 815, and many more were giving away signature dishes in an attempt to win one of four awards: Best Starter, Best Main Course, Best Dessert, and Peoples’ Choice.

Of the 10 different types of barbecue we tried,  the drunken pot roast (cooked in Yuengling!) served with mac n’ cheese from Southside 815 was the best. We also liked the sausage sliders from TJ Stone’s and the ribs from Overwood. Some other dishes that really stood out were the Dragon Creek oyster shooters with green Bloody Mary juice from The Light Horse, and the salmon with spinach from Geranio.

For dessert, Ben & Jerry’s was shilling its new Greek frozen yogurt, but we also snagged colorful cupcakes from Bittersweet and lots of sweets from Bread & Chocolate, including vanilla napoleons. The winner of the Peoples’ Choice Award? The Majestic.

Thanks to this great event, Carpenter’s is able to provide shelter, guidance, education, and advocacy for the homeless.

Put simply, I had no desire to gamble or to get sleazy with strange men on the dance floor. Then, I went to Vegas and didn’t gamble or get sleazy with strange men on the dance floor. Turns out, you can behave in in the City of Sin.

Despite an utter lack of debauchery—the weekend was still marvelous, filled with shopping, laying by the pool, people watching, sneaking in Beatles Love and seeing my ultimate fave DJ, Avicii, with one of my best gal pals, Lindsey.

We stayed in the epicenter of cheesy Vegas make-believe, Caesar’s Palace. The hotel—like everything in Vegas—is enormous, confusing, and filled with fake historical relics, slot machines and tacky tourists. Nonetheless, it was really really nice. The rooms were luxurious and filled with enormous comfy beds. Our room in particular had a spectacular view of the strip and the Bellagio fountain. I was charmed.

On Sunday, we marked the conclusion of a successful Las Vegas weekend with brunch at Michel Richard’s Central, which also has a DC location in addition to Chef Richard’s famous Citronelle. Sitting on the patio in 80 degree weather and sunshine, we were feeling mighty fine.

We began with a fruit plate—watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries and blueberries served with granola and yogurt. The fruit was fresh and delicious. Lindsey’s table manners went out the window—I looked over to find her biting into watermelon slices and dripping juice everywhere. A perfect breakfast for a hot Nevada morning.

The service was spectacular and our waters– and my fresh-squeezed OJ– were always refilled.

Lindsey ordered her favorite brunch dish—an egg white veggie omelet, fresh fruit, and hash browns. The omelet was the perfect portion size and the hash browns were a bit greasy for her taste. I, however, thought they were delicious.

Meanwhile, I went in for the kill with the crème brulee French toast. The dish was perfectly presented with the toast round rather than square and topped with a lovely dollop of whipped cream and fresh berries. The bread was fluffy and moist, caked in egg, and tasted very strongly of vanilla and cinnamon. The dish was very rich, however, sandwiched between the bread was rich creamy crème brulee custard. I topped it with maple syrup and devoured it nonetheless—and had a sugar-induced headache shortly thereafter.

Best of all, the folks at Central boxed up croissants and coffee for us to take to the airport. How nice!

The Bitches say: A. Fresh, delicious food in large portions from an amazingly gifted chef.

Michel Richard Central
Caesar’s Palace
Las Vegas
Central is open 24-hours and serves brunch and breakfast Saturdays and Sundays.

Bright, flat sandals are all the rage nowadays. If you’re hesitant to color-block yourself all over, why not go with a pair of comfy sandals you can wear now through August?

Whether it’s neon pink and orange, navy and lime, royal purple and emerald green, solid-colored brights are being mixed and matched every which way nowadays, and footwear is no different.

Throw on a bright colored tee and jeans—white or traditional denim–with these babies for a relaxed weekend look. Or, bright-colored skinny jeans or trousers with a tank and cardigan for casual Friday. They are an easy way to snazz up a solid colored dress, too. Mix prints by wearing these babies with a floral skirt and tank or a printed maxi.

Need I say it? Just make sure your toes are painted.

Let’s make those feet happy with color.

Pour la Victoire Fabia X Band Sandals, $228, Shop Bop.

Photo credit: Shop Bop

Cole Haan Bridget Patent Leather Colorblock Thong Sandals, $148, Saks Fifth Avenue.

Photo credit: Saks Fifth Avenue

Boutique 9 Priya Multicolor T-Strap Sandals, $78, Shop Bop.

Photo credit: Shop Bop

Seychelles Coy (comes in four color combinations), $80, Zappos.

Photo credit: Zappos

Sam Edelman Gigi Colorblock T-Strap Flat Sandals, $68, Shop Bop.

Photo credit: Shop Bop

Patent Gypsy Pink Vaughn Sandals,  $29,50, Ann Taylor Loft.

Photo credit: Ann Taylor Loft

Tuesday

Head to Masa 14’s fabulous new rooftop for happy hour, snacks and dancing hosted by Team Sophia of The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s (LLS) Man and Woman of the Year Campaign. Team Sophia honors Sophia Becraft, a six year old leukemia survivor and the 2012 LLS Sponsor Girl of the Year. The event features music from DJ Bobby, $4 drink specials and complimentary snacks from the new  rooftop menu. 4:30-8:30 p.m. Masa 14, 1825 14th Street N.W., Washington, D.C.

If you’d prefer Glover Park to 14th Street, Mason Inn is launching its first trivia night, which will become a weekly event. Categories include pop culture, history, sports, television, movies and more. Game winners will be given bar credit at Mason and drinks and pitchers will be awarded on an irregular basis for shows of intelligence. 8 p.m., Mason Inn, 2408 Wisconsin Ave. N.W.,Washington, D.C.

Wednesday

Fiola hosts another mixology class by bar manager Jeff Faile with Chef Trabocchi designing his tastes to work with the cocktails Faile creates. In May, “Amaro, Amaro, I Love Ya Amaro” will be a primer on the Italian herbal liqueur, a spirit used quite frequently in Faile’s Italian-inspired bar program at Fiola. Faile will lead class participants through the history of each spirit as well as demonstrate three distinct cocktails. Students will have the opportunity to taste each cocktail while paired with their meal, and receive recipes for all the drinks demonstrated. $85 includes three cocktails and three courses. 6-9 p.m., Fiola, 601 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W., Washington, D.C.

Thursday

Guest of a Guest, BrandLinkDC, St. Germaine, and Bliss host the Styleliner launch party at the W Hotel. Styleliner is a mobile fashion-mobile filled with baubles that’s cruising around the East Coast. There will be girly Saint Germaine cocktails, a live DJ, and the Styleliner’s show stopping pieces on display. 6-9 p.m., Living Room, The W Hotel, 515 15th Street N.W., Washington, D.C.

Friday

With summer returning it’s time for the first Truckeroo of the year! More than twenty food trucks will be on-hand all day long with live music and beverages from the Bullpen bar. So, head on down to the ballpark and snag a picnic table in the shade for a great afternoon. 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. Half Street Fairgrounds, 1299 Half Street S.E.,Washington, D.C.

Photo credit: Marcellina's Flickr

Saturday

It’s time for the European Union Embassies open house tours. Once per year, EU embassies open their doors to the public offering a rare look inside and allowing guests to experience their cultural heritage. There will be authentic music, dance, food, film, art and fun for people of all ages. Admission is free, please bring identification as there will be security checks. 10 a.m to 4 p.m. Embassy Row, Massachusetts Ave. N.W., Washington, D.C.

Sunday

Like burgers? Then build the perfect one at Burger, Tap & Shake’s “Build the Perfect Burger” cooking class. To register, please contact Janay at janay@passionfoodhospitality.com or 202-408-0201. 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. 2200 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W., Washington, D.C.

So, I rounded up some friends for Cherry Blossom Yoga on the Mall followed by a healthy brunch. Three-quarters of my squadron bailed. (“I’m out of town!” “I’m hungover!” Lame.) Tried-and-true-but-hesitant pals Ed and Tristin were there bright and early, mats in hand, for yoga.

It was a gorgeous, bright Washington morning when half of the city—clad in obnoxiously bright workout gear—turned up alongside the Washington Monument for a free yoga class taught by Lululemon instructors.

The sun was shining. The breeze was blowing. Friends were smiling. The yoga class was surprisingly challenging yet relaxing. Ten minutes in, as I proceed through my down dogs and sun salutations, sandwiched between Ed and Tristin, I look over and my jaw drops.

Poor Ed. He’s contorted himself in some bizarre position and is cringing. “CS, I must confess, I’ve never done yoga,” he whispers in a heavy Australian accent, clearly out of breath.

(Ladies, Ed is devastatingly handsome, sweet as pie, and as genuine as they come. He’s climbed a mountain in Borneo. He has a badass job I can’t tell you about. He loves his Mama. He’s also single—and going to kill me. You can thank me later).

I burst into giggles. The serious yogis around me grimace and glare.

The rest of the class was spent fixing Ed’s feet, stance and guiding him through sun salutations as I hop from Warrior Two to Warrior Three and then back to Down Dog.

“UP DOG!,” I yell (Whoops!). “Shoulders back. Head lifts. Tuck your butt—don’t hurt your lower back,” my staccato instructions punctuate my own movements. Never fear, I’m actually a certified yogalates instructor. However, unfortunately for everyone in the vicinity, my personality is much more 80s highly caffeinated aerobics instructor than zenned-out yogi.

An hour-and-a-half later, Ed has survived his yoga. I quite enjoyed the class. Tristin—who claims to be accident prone—has also survived. One of our neighboring yogi novices even thanks me—citing my instructions to be quite helpful. I’m relieved my comrades have come out alive—and hungry.

We stroll through the National Mall over to Penn Quarter for lunch outside at Teaism, the perfect continuation to our healthful start. Teaism is hands down the best lunch spot in the city with its affordable, healthy, natural Asian cuisine. Only recently did we discover they served brunch.

You order at the counter at Teaism, then receive a number and wait patiently for your food. The menu is diverse—bento boxes, sandwiches, salads and other lunch fare are available all-day-long. Desserts include green tea crème brulee (amazing) and heavenly salted oatmeal cookies. The teas and beverages are unique and satisfying.

The brunch menu is equally fun, offering dishes like cilantro scrambled eggs, French toast, scones, gingerbread, chicken sausage, tofu scrambles and more.

For the table, I ordered carrot cake scones—which tasted exactly like the description. They were moist, tasting much like carrot cake muffins but with the more solid consistency of a scone. By contrast, Ed says, “The carrot cake scones, whilst tasty, were dry and didn’t bring much to the party.”

For my entrée, I chose the tea-cured salmon, naan, and raita, a dish off the brunch menu. Fresh salmon, moist flavorful naan and raita, essentially a yogurt cucumber dip similar to tztaziki. Really just a yummy, healthy, hit-the-spot plate of food.

Ed opted for the cilantro scrambled eggs with tea-cured salmon. The cilantro was a nice touch in the eggs—adding flavor. Fresh salmon was an added bonus. He said it was “a very tasty dish with a dash of Indian style, and well worth a return visit.”

Tristin ordered an amalgamation of side dishes. First up, the cucumber and ginger salad, a healthy and refreshing post-yoga dish with a generous helping of ginger.

She also ordered a side of fruit, which was unfortunately filled with Honeydew. You know how the Bitches feel about honeydew, which Tristin adequately referred to as the “redheaded step child of the fruit world. She clarified, “Please don’t take offense to this any and all redheaded readers for there are plenty attractive red heads. I am thinking more along the lines of Honeydew being the Lindsey Lohan of the fruit world. In any event, if you enjoy Honeydew you will enjoy the side of fruit at Teaism.”

She also had a side of the naan, which is served with an apricot spicy fruit spread.

For “dessert,” the table shared the sourdough waffle, a Belgian waffle made with sourdough batter that was warm, crispy and perfectly cooked. It was served with orange butter and maple syrup—which made for an amazing unique flavor. The citrus from the butter—and I believe it was also in the syrup—really permeated the whole dish, making it an out-of-the-ordinary waffle. The sourdough was a nice touch, too.

The Bitches say: A- for healthy, affordable and quick cuisine. Get rid of the honeydew and it’s an A.

Teaism has locations in Dupont, Penn Quarter, Alexandria and Lafayette Park. Brunch is served at its Dupont, Penn Quarter and Alexandria locations.
Teaism serves brunch on Saturdays and Sundays.