Find Brunch Right Now

La Puerta Falsa in Bogota

International Brunch Review
Save to Foursquare

“Summer lovin, had me a blast. Summer lovin, happened so fast. Met a boy, crazy for me,” I crooned, batting my eyelashes, flipping my hair, and envisioning myself a blonde in leather pants akin to Sandy in Grease.

“Met a girl, cute as can be,” replied my dance partner, in a Spanish accent so thick I’m not sure he even knew what he was singing.

“Summer days driftin’ away, to uh-oh those summer nights. Uh well-a well-a well-a huh,” we continued on emphatically. My hardly-21-year-old Colombian dance partner spun me around, dipping me as my costume crown falls to the ground.

I am sunburnt (from climbing a mountain), wearing a tiara and a sash, along with various other assorted props. I’m drunk off of bad oldies tunes and one far-too-strong-and-larger-than-life mojito. It’s New Year’s Eve. My teeny bopper dance moves are unstoppable.

Where the hell am I?

Andres Carne de Res, a five-floor amusement-style restaurant-turned-night-club that boasts a 15-page menu, overpriced and oversized tropical beverages and more steak and frivolity than even the most American of Americans could fathom. Waitresses wear an assortment of buttons. Other employees assault you with puppets. People put crowns and sashes on you. It’s like TGIFridays, or Fudruckers. But on steroids, and in Colombia.

In Colombia? You say. Like the country?

Yes, Colombia, that drug-invested dangerous country where you’re sure to get carried off by the FARC and held for ransom, according to my overly concerned relatives.

Why, you ask?

In another one of my hair-brained whirlwind plans, I’d dragged my god sister and oldest friend, Anna, off to Bogota for New Year’s holiday (much to my god-parents’ dismay). Because, it would be fun, and well, why not?

Why Colombia? (Everyone asked).

Well, allow me to elaborate … and then get to brunch. Here’s my short list on why—and what you should do—when you visit Colombia.

1.) Have fun. For starters, there are spectacular establishments like Arnes Carne de Res where you can stuff yourself with delicious cuisine, flamboyant cocktails and dance to Euro House music, Spanish salsa tunes and American pop all-at-once.

2.) Experience an amazing country. I’m not here to give you a geography or history lesson. But, Colombia is one of the most beautiful countries out there—there are mountains, jungles, tropical and Caribbean beaches. There are bustling and thriving cities—epicenters of culture for you to enjoy. You can climb a mountain in the jungle one day, relax on a Caribbean beach the next, and visit world-class museums another.

3.) Be cheap—and go shopping. The exchange rate of U.S. dollars to Colombian pesos two-to-one and everything is dirt cheap. Spirit Airlines and Jet Blue fly to three major Colombian cities—Bogota, Cartagena and Medellin—and you can snag a ticket for less money than it takes to get to California. Colombia is the emerald capital of the world. In addition to emeralds, there are all sorts of authentic, hand-made indigenous gold jewels and beaded baubles, Panama hats, tapestries, hammocks. You name it.

4.) Have an adventure. While in Colombia, we climbed a tropical mountain. We also took a bike tour through the very hilly and traffic filled downtown Bogota. Ecotourism, tropical wildlife, scenic hikes, hang gliding, scuba diving and whale watching—you can do all that and more in Colombia.

5.) Eat fresh. Colombia has an abundance of tropical fruit. Every morning, everywhere, you can drink fresh-squeezed mango, orange, lemon, pineapple or coconut juice. There are street stands selling fresh cups of mango, papaya and pineapple for two pesos, or less than a dollar, on every corner. On the weekend, there are markets filled with tropical fruits like you’ve never seen in your life.

6.) Drink beer. Like everything else, Colombian beer is cheap, and light. One of the nation’s signature beverages is a cerveza michelada, basically a beergarita—lime, salt, and beer. It’s delicious, trust me.

7.)  See beauty—even in fat people. Bogota’s Museo de Oro, or museum of gold, has the world’s largest share of gold artifacts and is listed in the Thousand Places to See Before You Die. Additionally, Fernando Botero, the Colombian painter who paints morbidly fat people and somehow makes them cute, has his namesake museum around the corner.

8.) Brunch (or breakfast). One day, we hopped over to La Puerta Falsa, an adorable breakfast café hidden in la Candelaria, the historical part of town, that was founded in 1816. We climbed up the wooden stairs to a loft-style portion of the restaurant and ordered Colombia’s three traditional dishes.

First, huevos pericos, scrambled eggs with tomatos and onions and served in a cast iron skillet. No matter where you go in Colombia, huevos pericos are served the same way.

colombiabrunch2

Then, a tamale, a combination of yellow cumin rice, chicken, onions, and peppers served inside a banana leaf. Warm, delicious and filling.

colombiabrunch6

Saving the best for last, Colombians eat cheese dipped in hot chocolate for breakfast. Sounds bizarre, but it’s not. Rich, dark hot chocolate comes served with huge slices of fluffy buttered bread and a soft, mildly flavored cheese, which you dip into the hot chocolate.

colombiabrunch4

Though at first hesitant, I can honestly say it was delicious. But, feeding me bread, cheese and chocolate in one meal is likely to garner positive reviews

La Puerta Falsa
Calle 11 No 6-50
Bogota, Colombia

Also, in Colombia, they have llamas, which is clear reason to buy your plane ticket.

Save to Foursquare

7 thoughts on “La Puerta Falsa in Bogota”

Share Your Thoughts

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. I lived in Bogota for a year and a half, and I still miss it! The security situation was a little more tense when I was there, but it was still an amazing city. I loved horseback riding in the mountains, roaming the city in a Chivas bus while a mariachi band played in the back of the bus, and big bowls of ajiaco.

    Oh, and I may or may not have guzzled a vat of mojito and danced at a table at Andres Carne de Res.

  2. I will be heading to Bogota in December for work-this piece has me looking forward to it even more!
    Thanks for the recs!

  3. I have been reading your reviews for a while now, but just came across this post. My boyfriend is Colombian and I have been to Andres Carne de Res, as well as many other wonderful places in Bogota and other parts of the country. Colombia is such an amazing destination, and it is great that you “promote” it a little on your blog. After all, it might encourage one of your many readers to explore something new and forget about the negative things they have heard about the country!

  4. Hi,

    I just arrived to Bogotá and my first activitie that I booked is a Bike tour in Bogotá I booked with Bogotravel tours I did the tour with my guide Fernando a local enthusiastic and passionate guide for his country and a bit sexy jaja.

    Definitely I recommend this Bike tour is fun and great way to see Bogotá. They give you high quality bikes. The group was of 9 people, which make it fun to meet people. The tour show the most significant places as well as the hidden corners of the city. The guide is a young guy very knowledgeable of the Colombian history and its scars. Also he share with us his family stories of how the military conflict affected his family´s life in 20th century, he shows a place where we learned about Colombian coffee and much more.
    Overall this tour of Bogotravel tours is a highlight of Bogotá.

  5. Thanks for sharing this! I left a comment on another post of yours but then took to exploring your travel section and found this post!

    My family is from Bogota and I’ve spent half my life between Colombia and the US. It makes me extremelyyyy happy to see others sharing their awesome experiences there, despite the country’s bad rap. It definitely takes some convincing, but people always fall in love with Colombia once they get there!

    The country is beautiful, the people are extremely welcoming, and the food is amazing! Puerta Falsa is a favorite of mine too!! I hope you get to visit again so you can try the original Andres Carne de Res in Chia (about 30 mins outside the city) it’s even MORE ridiculous than the D.C. one.

    cheers!

You Might Also Want To Try
More Bitching
Keep In Touch
Expository Essay Prompts High School