By: Tammy, Guest Bitch

When I woke up Saturday morning I knew two things: 1) I needed a breakfast taco – a greasy one with beans and cheese and eggs, and 2) I was not going near the Beck rally to procure such taco.

I’m used to rolling out of bed and picking up a delicious chorizo-and-egg burrito from Brother’s Taco House east of Downtown Houston. (For more educación de tacos, see: GunsandTacos.) I’m a newbie in D.C., so, I Yelped “breakfast tacos.” And, yes, I just made Yelp into a verb.

By the end of the day, I realized I wasn’t going to be done with my quest for the unattainable, authentic D.C. breakfast taco for a long time. I also realized I was going to have to settle for a breakfast burrito – served with POTATOES on the side (HORRORS!).

Austin Grill in Old Town seemed the closest, quickest and most suitable fix based on reviews. It sounded like a good time, and I was intrigued by all the reviews that mentioned it is 100% wind-powered. I didn’t realize it was a chain that most locals avoid until we had sat down, opened the menu and saw the numerous location listings. UGH!

Looking on the bright side, our table next to the window on the second floor, directly overlooking King Street on a Saturday afternoon, meant really great people-watching and indulging in my newest hobby: “Where did that tourist come from?” (No one comes to Houston from far away, except if you’re a space freak or a Latin American on a shopping binge.)

Our server, “Tony Orlando,” spoke English like an Italian Mafioso king straight out of New Jersey, but looked like most Hispanics I know. When I mentioned to him the rumor I heard that the restaurant runs on wind power, he had no clue what I was talking about. “We have internet here, people bring their computers to work” he said. So I tried in Spanish. He was shocked. He responded in English, “You speak Spanish good. I understand.” Thanks, Tony Orlando. Can you go ask someone else? He came back and reported that they paid the electric company more for wind power. Huh?

Tony did spend a good portion of his time touting the margaritas. The brunchin’ bitches tend to favor mimosas or Bloody Marys for brunch, but when in Rome … it’s Tequila time. So we went for the Texas Throwdown and The Famous Swirl. Both were equally disappointing. The Throwdown was so overloaded with lime juice, it made Becca pucker. We gave it back to Tony. “Pruebalo, por favor.” He did. He agreed with us. The half lime/half strawberry frozen was bland, but it sufficed.

The tortilla chips were hard like cardboard, but were masked by the spicy salsa. The best decision of the meal, which was not about to be passed up, was ordering the Chile Con Queso – made with Shiner Bock beer. It looked like Velveeta, and probably was, but the Shiner gave it that little something extra. THIS is something I will be experimenting with at home.

So, on to my Breakfast Burrito, or the Chorizo Burrito. It was made with scrambled eggs, chorizo sausage, Anaheim peppers, onions, and Jack and cheddar cheeses, rolled into a flour tortilla and topped with tomato chipotle sauce. It was “Ehhh.” You could barely taste the chipotle. Why even touch those potatoes? The eggs were pretty overwhelming. I wish I had gotten the Austin Eggs Benedict like Becca’s brother.

These ain’t your ordinary Eggs Benedict. Served on quesadillas, instead of biscuits, they were super unique and had a great presentation. Just in case some of you Yanks don’t know the definition of quesadillas, LOOK IT UP. They were supposed to be topped with Chile hollandaise sauce – sounds awesome – but hard to even spot on the plate. Her brother and mother were in town for the weekend (if you didn’t see her tweets, they went to a fabulous wedding on the roof of the W Hotel).

Mom O’Becca thought the Avocado and Tomato omelet sounded “lovely” and on the healthy side. She didn’t share. We didn’t ask for a bite. Avocados arriving on hot eggs sketched me out a bit. Assumptions can be made from the way she didn’t rave about it, as she normally does when she just loves something, but we won’t presume.

Remember the lack of beans (come on, I would have even settled for black beans)? I should mention the griddle potatoes that were on the side of every dish were large, greasy and tasteless. The portions were large enough, and the plates would have been better without.

Becca had Magnolia eggs. We thought that two scrambled eggs with chile con queso on a toasted English muffin would be an auto YUM. It was greasy and filling, but it would have been such a cooler dish served on top of quesadillas, like the Austin eggs Benedict were.

Austin Grill? I’d like to see what an Austinite thinks of that. All the dishes were simple and lacked the kick they needed. BUT, I would totally go back if I needed a shopping break and happened to be in Old Town. But I would only go back for the Shiner Queso.

Where can I get a really, really good breakfast taco, y’all?

The bitches say: C+ Whatcha talking ‘bout Tex-Mex? Take away the taters, add some beans, and find some flavor.

Austin Grill

801 King Street
Alexandria, VA
703.684.8969

By: Tammy, Guest Bitch

This first-time guest bitch moved to DC from Houston about two weeks ago. Y’all, I’ve been warned to be quite wary of anything around these parts advertising itself as Latino cuisine. What does Nuevo Latino mean, and what could it mean in DC? I imagine a souped-up, fancified version of traditional bodega fare (traditional Latin food with a contemporary twist), but only appropriate served on white-linen tablecloths.

At a Saturday brunch at Café Atlantico in Penn Quarter, our motley crew inhaled the pretty plates, all full of a random assortment of Latin American ingredients. What’s in that? Should we get the menu back? Who cares? It’s so good.

Photo credit: Becca Clara Love

We decided to melt outside on the patio and people-watch, rather than take a table inside the colorful, two-story restaurant. The staff accommodated by rearranging many large umbrellas to provide the most shade possible. As soon as we opened the menu, we realized we came a day too early: the “world famous” Café Atlantico Latino Dim Sum Brunch is on Sundays. We fail.

But @TheRobbStory had already begun brunching with a Bloody Mary, and fellow brunchers @UnsuckDCmetro and @BeccaClaraLove were ordering cocktails too. Lo que será, será! But expect a return visit by the Bitches on a Sunday.

The drinks were perfect on paper, but in person the Bloody Mary was a little bland, the Pisco Sour too sour, and the Mimosa had to be ordered special ‘cause it wasn’t even on the menu.

Photo credit: Becca Clara Love

To get started on the grub, we requested the spicy level of their fresh guacamole. I was looking for something caliente; who doesn’t want a little sexy spice with their Saturday brunch? The guac was made tableside, and it had a bit of a kick, but it wasn’t anything that would make you sweat. And, the best part was the queso fresco sprinkled on top – for an extra charge.

I had heard (or rather, researched via “60 Minutes”) that the chef at this joint, Jose Andres, is into molecular gastronomy fare. Basically, crafting bizarre creations by messing with the science of each dish’s ingredients, or something along those lines.

Photo credit: Becca Clara Love

The smoked salmon dish I ordered was a kitchen-chemistry-project example: it was like lox deconstructed. Four egg pouches of sorts filled with salmon mousse and mixed up with Latin flair, with random bits like arugula, pineapple and mango, and topped with caviar. Throw in toast, a salad with smoked salmon, and slight befuddlement as I grabbed the menu to figure out what everything was I had ordered.

By far, the most interesting and yum-factor dish on the table was the Eggs Benedicto. This is like how the dish should have been made if Benedict Arnold had been a traitor named Benedicto Arturo. It’s made with pork belly pupusa, egg 63 and avocado hollandaise. I thought these were spectacular, and super inventive. The pork came mixed in, which we weren’t expecting. And it was topped with a refreshing frisee – everything might have even been better as leftovers the next day.

The other two dishes the table ordered were good, but nothing special. The Steak and Egg Quesadilla, made with skirt steak, onions, avocado and Chihuahua cheese, was something I could have easily whipped up at home, but I kept going back for more bites, ’cause you can’t really go wrong when eating anything semi-resembling breakfast taco. Nom. Nom. And the crab cake salad was standard fare for any ol’ restaurant. Some tropical fruits thrown on top made it Nuevo Latino.

Photo credit: The Robb Story

After two pisco sours and a few bites of everything, I had plenty of room and lots of hopes for dessert. How to choose? Impossible. We restrained and ordered just one for the table: the chocolate cake with banana, which was warm and made with Venezuelan chocolate flan, banana foam, and banana-lime salad.

Banana foam, you say? That’s what I mean if you are still wondering about molecular gastronomy. Sounded awesome-sauce (my new word) to me. Why not try putting every ingredient on the plate onto one fork and sinking into expected delciousness? Because, you will make a face like I did.

Photo credit: Becca Clara Love

Well, probably not, because most people can control their reactions to their surprise at the banana foam, lime and rich chocolate so not mixing well together. I suggest trying the items individually first and going forth with your palate experiment.

The Bitches say: B, good service, and I’m interested in going back there for dinner on the second-floor or maybe Sunday Latin Dim Sum (eek?!?), but not a top pick for a Saturday brunch.

Café Atlantico
405 8th St. N.W.
Washington, D.C.
(202) 393-0812